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You Texted About Someone to That Someone: How Do You Escape?

You meant to send it to your best friend, but your thumbs had other plans, and now the exact person you were texting about is typing back. Twenty-four escape plans enter, only one survives the panic. Vote for the smoothest, silliest way out of the most awkward text of your life.

24 choices · 5 rounds · 8 byes

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The contenders

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Autocorrect has been ruining sentences since the dawn of smartphones, so honestly it is about time it took the fall for something. Nobody can prove my phone did not turn "she is so cool" into exactly what I typed, and I will be standing by that story at my own retirement party.

My dog Biscuit has big paws, strong opinions, and a long history of stepping on my phone, so honestly this was bound to happen eventually. Sure, he spelled everything perfectly and even used commas, but he is a very good boy and nobody in history has ever won an argument against a dog.

If the phone is at the bottom of a lake, the message technically lives with the fish now, and fish are famously great at keeping secrets. I will buy a new phone, start a new life, and send the ducks a thank you card for their silence.

A brand new number means a brand new me, a person who has never sent a single embarrassing text in their entire life. I will text everyone "hey it's me, new phone" and simply leave that one contact off the list forever.

Two words and a casual "lol" make it sound like I accidentally sent my grocery list, totally chill and no big deal. The trick is to hit send fast, then put my phone face down and go take the longest shower of all time.

Hackers are sneaky, mysterious, and apparently very interested in my opinions about who hogs the good swing at recess. I will change my password dramatically, post a warning to everyone, and wear sunglasses indoors for a week to sell it.

This was never an accident, it was a carefully designed loyalty test, and congratulations, they handled it like a champion. I will send a gold star emoji and a certificate made in a drawing app so it looks extremely official.

Nobody can be awkward with me if I live in Montana now, or at least my texts say I live in Montana now. I will post one blurry photo of a mountain, mention how great the air is, and quietly keep going to the same school.

Two tiny letters have the power to undo the biggest mistakes in human history, or at least that is what I am telling myself right now. I hit send, close my eyes, and wait for a thumbs up like I am waiting on a lottery drawing.

If my bad message is message number one, then by meme number one hundred nobody will ever scroll back far enough to find it. Cats falling off couches, dancing frogs, a potato in a tiny hat, I have an arsenal and I am not afraid to use it.

Everybody knows at least four Sarahs, so obviously I meant one of the other ones, probably the Sarah from swim class. I will even ask, "wait, which Sarah do you think I meant?" and act a little offended they assumed it was them.

"You talk SO much" can easily become "you have so many interesting things to say," all it takes is confidence and a lot of exclamation points. I will follow up with three heart emojis and a sparkle, because nobody can stay mad at a sparkle.

I know this sounds wild, but saying sorry and meaning it might actually fix the whole thing in under a minute. It is so mature and so unexpected that they will be too impressed to stay mad, and I get to sleep tonight.

Those were not my words, those were lyrics from a song so underground that only I and maybe three other people have heard it. If they ask for the link, I will hum something loudly and say the band broke up last Tuesday.

If I leave the group chat, the message stays behind, but I do not, and that is basically the same as it never happening. I will tap leave, delete the app, and start fresh as the mysterious kid who does not text anymore.

One single question mark flips the whole story, so now they are confused and I am the confused one too, which makes us even. By the time they scroll up to figure it out, I will have changed the subject to pizza.

My little brother is seven, loves chaos, and has been known to grab my phone when I go get a snack. He will be mad at first, but I can fix that with a juice box, two cookies, and a turn on my video game.

Sleep-texting is a real thing, I am almost sure, and my sleeping brain clearly has a lot of weird opinions it never runs by me first. I will add that I also ordered fifty rubber ducks online last night, just to make the story feel airtight.

If I call and talk at top speed about the weather, homework, and a cool bird I saw, they will never get a word in about the text. By the time I hang up, they will be so confused that they will forget why they were upset.

Nothing says "please forget what I typed" like a giant basket of pineapples, grapes, and those fancy pears wrapped in gold foil. It is impossible to be mad at someone while eating a perfect strawberry, that is just science.

I am working on a very important project about how people react to surprising texts, and they just became my star test subject. I will even make a little chart about it, with a colorful pie graph, so it looks like real homework.

It is not an insult, it is an inside joke, and they are officially invited to be in on it starting right now. I will just need about three to five business days to figure out what the joke actually is.

Sure, there is a screenshot, and sure, it has my name and picture on it, but anyone can make a screenshot these days. I will calmly say "that was not me" while holding the phone that very clearly says it was me.

The woods have no cell service, no group chats, and absolutely zero people who saw what I typed, which sounds like paradise. I will build a little cabin, make friends with a squirrel named Gary, and come back when I am about forty.

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