Worst Thing to Name Your Cat

Your cat will never answer to it, which is true of every name, so you lose nothing. Plus it keeps the actual dog humble.

Cats ignore Here Kitty anyway, so you might as well make the ignoring personal. Bonus: every stray in the neighborhood thinks it's their name too.

Name him after his greatest enemy and keep your friends close. He'll respect the power move, from under the bed.

Calling Bath Time is the fastest way to empty a room of cats, which is great for exercise. He'll be the fittest cat on the block.

Finally, a name your cat will actually come running for, every single time. The chaos when you say it in conversation is just the price of loyalty.

Every time you call your cat, the lights flicker and the weather report starts. She already acts like she runs the house, so make it official.

Your phone will try to help every time you call the cat, which makes two of them ignoring your real request. He's always listening and never helpful, just like the original.

Nobody likes Monday, but everybody loves Monday the cat. He sleeps through the morning and gets grumpy by noon, perfectly on theme.

Name him after the vegetable that terrifies cats everywhere and watch him own it. Fear is just another word for brand recognition.

He'll vanish the moment you say his name, so you'll always know exactly where he isn't. That's basically a built-in hide-and-seek game.

Best saved for a hairless Sphynx, where it becomes the funniest name in the building. He'll wear his sweater with pride.

Telling the vet he's on a strict Diet will finally be true. He eats twice a day, and he is technically the Diet.

He already joins every meeting by walking across your keyboard. Now everyone knows him by name before the agenda starts.

He decides where you sit, when you wake up and who gets the warm spot. Calling him The Landlord just makes the lease official.

Nothing on the counter is safe once Gravity moves in. Science teachers everywhere will finally have a demonstration with fur.

Disappears exactly when you need him and works best in the one room you never sit in. Everybody already shouts Wi-Fi at least once a day.